Will someone please just give me this shot?

It was a frustrating day but now that I am at home and have had my shot, I am relieved.

First of all, my boss was great about letting me leave early to go get the meds.  I am so fortunate to have folks at work that understand that I am miserable and are accommodating when I am unable to be at work.  This disease makes it hard to move and walk so it seems like some days I almost have to crawl to my desk.  Here’s hoping that I will feel better soon and leave the crawling to my baby. 

I got my Lupron Depot 3.75 shot, after driving a few towns away since that pharmacy had it last time I was desperate, just like today.   What luck that there was one dose in stock!  

However, it was a bit annoying to be met with such resistance when I arrived at the doctor’s office in town and asked to have the shot given to me there. The receptionist gave me a hard time because it was ordered from another hospital, but I am not blaming them at all since they have their rules to follow which are set up for safety, but it was annoying and when I am already on the edge. It was not a great experience.  The receptionist that has taken care of me dozens of times asked if I was a patient, that made me feel a little strange since I have been in the office a lot lately and she has processed my visits each time.  It’s funny how the staff at the Big Hospital are so much nicer and actually treat you like they know you even if you are a new patient.  They welcome you are grateful that you chose them to provide your care.  Here in town, at the local hospital, I personally do not feel that way.

Let me start at the beginning,  after being told that the mail order company the Big Hospital uses did not contact me to verify my information, I called the Big Hospital and spoke to the nurse there, who is an absolute angel who goes above and beyond the call of duty to make me feel at ease and helped. 

This angel told me that she would call the company and find out when I can expect a call from their office and expect shipment of my Lupron, which will suppress my ovaries and control my pain.  (Goodie!) She called me right back with in record time to suggested that I get the meds here in town like I did before if possible since the mail order place was too buy to process my order yet.  She even told them it was an emergency, but hey told her that all of the orders were emergencies.  That's not true though since this med is used for lots of other reasons.  But i digress.   I called the pharmacy a few towns away and was in luck, they had one dose left.  I was able to pick it up within an hour and rushed to my local OBGYN’s office to have it administered.  The folks at Big Hospital suggested I do that, so when I got to the office, I saw the same woman who usually checks me in and she gave me run around to put it nicely, finally, after arguing with her for quite a few minutes, she asked the doctor on duty if they would give the shot, the same shot I had there at the office one month ago.  She explained that it was an issue because they did not order the shot there, I understand but…How would I have gotten my hands on a shot from a pharmacy that costs $1,000?  I am not that sneaky, and why would I bother to do that anyway?  Do I have criminal stamped on my forehead?  Noooooooooooooooo. 

All in all this whole chronic disease has really opened my eyes to what folks with illnesses go through just to get help. 

Reflection of my visit to the Big Hospital

Today was a productive day,  I now have an appointment to see a Specialist who came highly recommended by my doctor,  I really felt listened to at the Big Hospital, more so than by my Local Hospital.  I truly felt like I was the only patient in the whole place and was given compassion, respect and results.  I will need more test than what I endured today before I am officially "fixed", but I am well on my way.  The surgery will involve removal of my ovaries, uterus, and cervix.  I will need a urologist to assess my bladder and possibly put a sling in to control my unpleasant bladder symptoms.  In addition to the surgery, I will need to take hormones for the next 12 years until I reach menopause.  (Hormone Replacement Therapy)

This process will not be behind me for a while, but I feel confident that when this is all over I will feel better.  If my Endo Suffering ends, my conviction to increase awareness will never end. This disease robs folks of their quality of life and ability to produce offspring.  There is no cure and minimal awareness. 

I am asked what Endometriosis is and how it feels when I mention the disease to loved one and acquaintances,  My experience with the monster consists of feeling like my insides are on fire, being stabbed by knives, and labor pains all combined into an ugly stew and served up daily.  Some days are less horrible than others but all days show constant reminder that this monster has taken up residence in my body.  Since my organs are attached to one another, the pain and discomfort and other symptoms are unbearable at times.  Being in pain makes every day tasks seem impossible.

The Pain of Endo--- A Soliloquy

The rage she feels is mounting.  Hate and anger are familiar feelings to her but this new rage is scary and foreign to her as she thinks about her next move.  

She is so angry and wants someone to lash out at, however the enemy is not reachable.  Her emotions are overtaking her once again, the room goes dark.  The feelings of rage take over, she is no longer the person she was, she is someone else and she does not like this person at all.  The intensity of her emotions makes her nauseous.  If you piss her off you’re going to hear about it. 

This is WAR!  There are no winners but she will not be a victim of the evil that threatens her.  Nothing should be able to have this kind of power over anyone. She is speaking each line to her silent enemy.

“Why are you doing this to me? “

 “What did I ever do to you?”

“I will not be defeated or broken.”

“I hate you; I wish you would go away!”

“Don’t underestimate my power and conviction to destroy you.”

“You have no place around here and need to be exterminated.”

“No one that hears your name can stand you or the sound of your name.”

“I wish you had never reared your ugly head in my life, you are toxic.”

When defeat comes into play, anger takes over and tries to comfort her, but all of this anger is not healthy.

Uncertainty

Today I wake with mixed feelings about my long car ride to the Big Hospital, I feel hopeful about the information I will receive.  After all, many women I know are suffering with the same disease as I am.  Certainly the doctors have some course of action for these cases.  I hope I am lucky enough to find relief. 

I vow here to all of my readers that if I am helped to the point that I no longer suffer from these ungodly symptoms, I WILL NEVER STOP VISITING THE ENDOMETRIOSIS SUFFERS WALL ON FACEBOOK AND CHECKING IN WITH MY "FRIENDS" AND FIND OTHER WAYS TO CREATE AWARENESS OF THIS HORRIBLE PAINFUL LIFE SENTENCE ALL OF US SUFFERS HAVE BEEN GIVEN.  I want Endo to have a face and be CURED!!!!  Please pray for us all we need all of the help we can get.

Tomorrow is the big day for me...

I have my appointment with the doctor to discuss and plan my Hysterectomy.  I feel like a little kid waiting for Santa!  This could be the answer to my prayers (no more pain?) or more nightmares (early menopause), either way I am ready to face this with grace and courage and fight with all that I've got!!! Endo you have met your match and I WILL NOT TAKE THIS LAYING DOWN!

Operations Operations Operations

I was diagnosed with Endo during my first operation for Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome. My doctor was treating my infertility and thought that removing the clusters of cysts from my ovaries would help with my infertility.  During the procedure, my doctor found my severe Endometriosis.  Needless to say I was devastated!  Most women I knew that suffered from the disease we also infertile.  I wanted another baby badly and thought that is was the end of my dream. After  recovering from that surgery, I started going to Bay State Hospital to undergo IVF (In vitro Fertilisation)

Well, I am happy to say that I was able to conceive with the help of the professionals at Bay State Hospital.  My fourteen month old baby is a true blessing.  But he did not come to us easily, I had to undergo another operation!  This time I had to have my fallopian tubes removed.  They were so damaged from the Endo that fluid was getting into my uterus.  Once the tubes were removed, the one egg that was able to be frozen from my egg extraction was implanted in to my uterus.  It took!  There was only a 20-25% chance this egg would survive but I was hopeful.  The idea of going through the process that leads up to the egg extraction and the actual procedure was overwhelming at best. I would do it again but would much rather not have to deal with the hormones shots and other meds that made me feel very moody and "not myself".

Now I am facing a hysterectomy in the near future.  The pain from the Endo is too much to bear.  More on that at a later time.  Please share your stories with me and my future blog followers.  As Endo sufferers or supporters of folks with Endo I want to hear from you!